If you want to read about someone in a powerful position having disturbing sex with an underling, put down your copy of Fifty Shades of Grey. There’s something much sleazier available: the John Travolta masseur lawsuit.

In case you aren’t chained to the 24-hour news cycle, here’s a rundown: a Hollywood masseur has alleged that John Travolta propositioned him for sex during a massage, and is suing for $2 million. Is that the standard Happy Ending fee? I guess it is when assault and sexual battery are involved.

There’s now even more material to fuel those Travolta gay rumors for another ten years or so because the full lawsuit is available online and it basically reads like a trashy homoerotic novel written by an elderly court reporter.

During the massage, John Travolta allegedly kept

purposely sliding the towel down that covered his buttocks to reveal about half of gluteus area.

When Travolta allegedly started feeling up the masseur, this Puritanical virgin (who rubs people down with oil for a living) didn’t like it. Travolta

apologized, but then snickered to himself like a mischievous child. Defendant then touched the shaft of Plaintiff’s penis, and seized on to it. Defendant quickly tried to rub the head of Plantiff’s penis as he tried to pull away.

It gets weirder.

When the masseur steadfastly refused to apply some Grease to Travolta’s penis (couldn’t resist), he lost his shit.

Defendant began screaming at Plaintiff, telling Plaintiff how selfish he was; that Defendant got to where he is now due to sexual favors he had performed when he was in his Welcome Back, Kotter days; and that Hollywood is controlled by homosexual Jewish men who expect favors in return for sexual activity. Defendant then went on to say how he had done things in his past that would make most people throw up.

And Travolta’s alleged tirade continued that

[when he started his career] he wasn’t even gay and that the taste of ‘cum’ would make him gag. Defendant also said that he was smart enough to learn to enjoy it, and when he began to make millions of dollars, that it all became well worth it.

So this masseur would have us believe that John Travolta owes his role as a drag queen in Hairspray to getting on his knees for closeted gay Jews in the 70s?

I kind of believe it.