It’s Like Lent, Only Forever

You can think of it as a Yom Kippur that lasts all year, but does nothing to alleviate your guilt.

 

There is an edgy, new humanitarian campaign called “Until Abortion Ends,” and all the cool Christian kids are doing it. Now, we Jews need to get in on the action. It’s not even that hard. Just pick something you love but don’t need, i.e. cigarettes, sprinkles, or sleep, and stop consuming it until abortion ends! It’s a sacrifice for the (yet to be) sacrificed.

Sure, it’s tough to give up something you love, but if you don’t, that does suggest you hate babies and you want them to die. And who knows? Maybe some cute born-again will see your YouTube video, and hit you up for a date. Just be sure to use a condom.

 

What do you think?

About The Author

SASS

Megan Sass is a natural redhead. She is also a writer, actor, and Hebrew School teacher. Turn-ons include: Boxer Dogs, Falafel, and Fanboys (especially those residing in the capital of the DC Universe). You can follow her on twitter at @Megan_Sass.

13 Responses

  1. Maddie

    Megan Sass, I’m horrified to see that a Jewish woman, minorities in our own rights, is anti-choice. I won’t begin to attempt to convince you that your stance is wrong, but how dare you write from such a judgmental stance. I don’t care how liberal or youth-oriented the magazine pretends to be, I want you to know that you absolutely don’t speak for the Jewish youth. I love babies, however a fetus is not a baby and I am not a “baby hater” for standing up for a woman’s right to make her own decisions about her body. Feel free to contact me with questions or comments.

    Reply
  2. Steve

    Next you’re going to tell me that if you prevent an abortion, you get a free Grande Mocha Latte from Starbucks.

    Reply
  3. SASS
    SASS

    It’s true, Steve. That’s because Starbucks is trying to trick you into drinking coffee again. It’s a well known fact that Starbucks hates babies, and hates fetuses even more.

    Reply
  4. Uncle Fester

    Maddie, learn about satire and the world will become ablaze with new colors, I promise you. If it doesn’t I think you can get a refund.

    Reply
  5. David Rey Martinez

    Hi this is my first response to an article of any kind so please be me be kind of of my grammatical erros if any.
    First off I thought Jewish people weren’t supposed to have “THE SEX” before marriage or is it just me and Moses oh excuse me Moses and I who thought that?
    I also have aquestion for Maddie if that is your real name or just how you feeling about this article? Because it seems you’ve had 1 or around 10 abortions the way your defending it. However I do agree with you but not with the hypocrisy that you are portraying. If your in a religionI excpect thats the rules be followed if sou this wouldnt even be a conversation.
    I also has have question for Miss Sass if thats your real name or is a combination of you best features? First off you are wronger than wrong to ask a Jewish person to follow a Christian, when has that ever happened??? And you are asking people to give up cigarettes? If they haven’t given them up at theses prices they arez never gonna give them up to save some condomlessness action babies!!

    Reply
  6. Bernard Mendelbaum
    Bernard Mendelbaum

    Manny, are you friends with Maddie?

    Here’s a thought…why don’t you, Maddie, and all of your other friends go read The Onion and get OFFENDED, APPALLED, and HORRIFIED at the editorial perspectives being presented?

    Reply
  7. Jules

    I can’t believe my eyes upon seeing such idiocy. Oh really lets make abortion illegal why don’t we, lets have loads of unwanted, unaffordable children everywhere just like in…3d world countries, because THAT is an amazing solution. You guys are so behind the times. Find a new cause like oh I don’t know sex education? Prevention? I am never reading this mag again though. EW. I am so turned off right now, and I’m conservative!

    Reply
  8. SASS
    SASS

    Jules, If you were offended by this post, please consider donating to the charity, “The Fund for Children Born Without Sarcasm.” Many of these unfortunate kids grow up into humorless adults, unable to decipher even the most blatant forms of satire. God bless you.

    Reply

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