Urban Kvetch: Hotel Key Cards
Hotel Key Cards
Yes, my key card did go near "a cell phone and/or credit card." I guess that's why it got de-magnetized, forcing me to trudge through the 50-degree casino in flip-flops and a sopping wet bathin...
Urban Kvetch: “I Might Make It”
"I Might Make It"
The response that frequently oozes from the mouths of self-centered social-climbers who are unable to confirm their Sunday plans on Saturday. Perhaps I'm just being petty. After all, how can ...
Urban Kvetch: Clipboard People
Clipboard People
Soliciting for a cause outside cafes where poor writers with left-leaning ideologies and hair-trigger guilt complexes go to eke out existences? No thanks, I'll skip the gut punch to my self-wo...
Urban Kvetch: “Just a Tweak”
"Just a Tweak"
Many words should be struck from the Hollywood lexicon ("passion" comes to mind), but nothing makes me wince like the use of "tweak." If you want a page-one rewrite, just say so and stop giving ...
Urban Kvetch: Horror Remakes
Horror Remakes
For the love of Romero, stop with the scary movie remakes before I kill somebody. Was it really necessary to crank out another When a Stranger Calls just because we now have cell phones? Did we ...
Urban Kvetch: Baby Bumps
Baby Bumps
When Mr. Show dreamt up the cynical notion of a prenatal fashion show, the targets were rednecks in the post-JonBenet era. But in fact, the Hollywood elite and their parasitic tabloid culture have b...
Urban Kvetch: My Belly
My Belly
Hello, hairy stranger. I don't recall inviting you to block my view of my penis for the past decade. Yes, I know that nobody pointed a gun to my head and forced me to march to the all-you-can-eat Chin...
Urban Kvetch: Greedy Wi-Fi Owners
Greedy Wi-Fi Owners
Do you sleep better knowing your less fortunate neighbors and the patron at the downstairs café can't get their claws on your personal stash of the World Wide Web? Why else would you opt t...
The Many Faces of Iris
Most recognizable for her portrayal of the Orthodox daughter of a kidney-transplant consortium manager on Curb Your Enthusiasm, Iris Bahr isnothing like that snippy prude who gets stuck on a ski lift with Lar...
_Mister Lonely_
By Pamela Chelin
In the late '90s, writer/director Harmony Korine (Kids, Gummo, Julien Donkey-Boy) was the "it" boy of New York's downtown scene. To escape the spotlight, he moved to London and then to Paris w...
Things Fall Apart
It's easy to mistake Etgar Keret for light reading. With Keret, four pages is an epic tale—most of his stories weigh in at five or six paragraphs. But brevity and levity are not the same, and nowhere is this mo...
