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Heebonism New York City Recap: DJ Kool Jew’$ Review

DJKoolJew
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He’s the sultan of funk, the Babe Ruth of booty shake and the pulse of the party. It’s the one and only DJ Kool Jew.

You may not recognize my name or game, but instead of filling your eyes with self-aggrandizing introductions, I’ll recap my initiation to mass pelvic gyration: Heebonism NYC, the mother of all Christmas Eve parties. With Jews, booze n’ broads, Heebonism had everything a heebster, hipster, or up-and-coming DJ could desire on Christmas Eve.
Shit was crazy. Hosted at Fontana’s, there was free 360 Vodka for the early birds and Strip Dreidel for the avid jew-boobie (joobies) lover in us all. But the biggest splash of the night was the very sexy semitic slice of Jewish American Popcess, Chevonne performing her hit song, "My Menorah".
Being a closet Chevonne fanatic (= guilty of masturbating to the above video), I was wildin’ out to meet her. DJKJ was responsible for playing the lady’s backing track (girl wasn’t lip synching, I swear). Last time my menorah got that hot, I feared gonorrhea.
Then it was Kool Jew’s time to $hine up the grind. The people was reciprocative, drunk, appreciative, drunk; in other words, ideally minded to get down to DJ Kool Jew. Below are some of the breaks people went crazy fo’:
And, of course, my very own slam masterpiece:
To conclude my groove, congrats to Heeb on a muthafuckin dime. Download my track, people. Watch the videos, read Kool Jew’$ words and expect further sightings of me in the not too-distant future.

$incerely,

DJ Kool Jew
(out.)

What do you think?

About The Author

DJKoolJew

43 Responses

  3. Puck

    I’m not sure which I’m more appalled by, the though that people were getting down to Miley Ray Cyrus (whilst not being at a bar mitzvah) or that a DJ would actually play such a track. Still, he’s kinda cute though…and that’s all a DJ really needs.

    Reply
  4. DJKoolJew

    Just givin’ the people what they were hungry for. ’twas the season and my gnarmitzvah.
    Plus, even Miley, like her father (i.e. of “Achey Breaky Heart”-glory) keeps gold in strange places. The crowd ate that shit right up, and I think I even caught my hips

    Reply
  5. Puck

    Indeed….well…word to your mother (is that what the kids are saying these days?).
    I will now endeavour to substitue ye oldey timey letters with numbers.
    Puck…l1v1ng l1f3 0n 7h3 3dg3.
    *makes obscure hand gesture*

    <----just looked through the Hee

    Reply
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