Here’s a fun reality. You are dying. Time is a line that we are all headed down in the wrong direction. You are born and the stopwatch starts, your sand starts trickling out like a fucked-up board game timer until the last little grain tinks out and your time is up: YOU DIE!
Pant, pant. Anxiety attack. Jeez.
Well I’ve spent hours freaking out about my impending expiration date. I’ve spent sleepless nights panicking about my mother dying and my brother leaving me behind someday or vice-versa. (Ugh I’m so fucking Jewish!)
It’s not only terrifying, it’s immutable. You cant do anything about it. It is unstoppable, relentless, and inevitable. Everyone you know is going to die and then you are (unless you die first).
Here’s another reality. Death takes the people in our lives that have made the time we get here, being conscious, worthwhile and engaging. Whoever it is, your mother, your best friend, your lover, your favorite writer (me!) whatever, the people who surround us, infuse our lives with meaning and make our time here deep, rich and filled with connection.
We all know this, but the reality is that most of us are too busy freaking out about our own expiration date to look up and realize that everyone else surrounding us is temporary too.
Your mother is going to die.
I wish it wasn’t true but it is. She only has so many grains to fall, just like you. But, she is here now! Okay, maybe your mother isn’t. Maybe she is dead already. Maybe she is dead to you for the awful things she did to you. Life is fucked and complex. But whoever you love or whoever makes your life bearable is right next to you and, for a limited time only, you have the opportunity to tell him, her, it EXACTLY what they mean to you.
So, I’m suggesting you do it. Do it. Sit down and write a little note. Tell the person you love the most exactly why you love them so much. Tell your girlfriend that, beyond that move she does with her hand and tongue, the way she tells you you are brilliant makes you dance a little bit. Tell your mom how grateful you are that she never told you you were gross for being gay (if you are gay and haven’t told her btw, do it). Tell your brother he’s your fucking hero.
They probably know, but you should tell them anyway. I sat at my dad’s death bed wishing I could have one more conversation with him and tell him some stuff I’d always meant to . I know he knew, but I wanted to tell him again. So, now, I’m going to try to tell people the stuff I want them to know right now, while they can still hear it.
This might be cheesy but, what the fuck , I don’t have time to worry about what you think, I’m fucking dying (slowly).
I love you (in a theoretical, I love everyone, way),
Moshe Kasher is a stand up comedian and writer who has been featured on Comedy Central , NBC and E!. His album, “Everyone You Know is Going To Die, And Then You Are (Unless You Die First)” was named one of the top 20 comedy Albums of 2009 by Itunes. It can be purchased on his website, www.moshekasher.com where you can also find his tour dates. His memoir “Kasher in the Rye” will be released next year by Grand Central Publishing.