The Genital Mutilation So Nice, You Have to Get it Twice

Jewish babies’ worst fears were realized Sunday. Israel’s Chief Rabbinate announced that a Mohel from Haifa botched thousands of circumcisions and the babies might have to go under the knife, round two styles.

The mohel, who was well-known and performed hundreds of circumcisions a year, is not allowed—surprise, surprise—to perform circumcisions any longer, Ynet reports.

This situation came to light when several rabbis attended a bris and concluded that either all their penises were deformed or someone was deforming the baby’s. The rabbis presented their suspicions to the rabbinate, which found that in fact it was the child’s penis that was improperly circumcised.

In order for a brit milah to follow halacha the whole foreskin has to be taken off. What was happening in this case was, to quote Babs and Dustin Hoffman in Meet the Fockers, “A cross between an ant eater and—“ “A German army helmet!”

Despite the fact that the son’s penis will look “weird,” Rabbi Moshe Weisberg, a member of the inter-ministerial committee of the Health Ministry and Religious Affairs ministry for oversight and training of mohels ruled that the bris can be ruled retroactively kosher. But with incredulity Weisberg adds, “If it were my son, I wouldn’t think twice,” he said.

And many parents have in fact already taken their child to undergo corrective surgery.

My guess is that this whole “botched” circumcision thing was just the mohel giving an enormous “fuck you” to Greg Callender by saying, “You don’t want them to have one circumcision, well I will make them have two!”