Stuff Hipsters Hate: Shaving

It’s back (again), sprouting from the upper lips of gaggles of Williamsburg hipsters, waving in the autumnal breeze as their jagged hips lead them down Bedford. The moustache. (Keep an eye on The New York Times Style section for some vapid piece that makes overly liberal use of the word "follicular"). Why the sudden reemergence of the handlebar, the horseshoe and the kick-ass porn-star ‘stache? Well, it’s simple—the ability to grow facial hair is a hipster boy’s best defense against being called out for his more feminine tendencies (read: wearing women’s pants, talking about his feelings and sharing his secret ambition to start an all-falsetto ‘90s cover band). During the summer months, a hipster male may compensate for his more womanly ways by displaying his hirsute chest (after “forgetting” to do up the top three buttons of his plaid shit) or by exposing his ghostly yet well-furred legs whilst parading about in the park in cut-off jorts. But once winter hits and everyone’s swaddled up to their ironic mullets in thrift store scarves, the hipster male is left with two choices: blend in with the suffering, sexless masses or heed the mighty battle cry of masculinity that echoes down through the ages and grow a fucking Fu Manchu.

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10 Responses

  1. mdbukhari

    Shave first then apply a product called hair no more and do this daily and you will notice that the hair will eventually stop growing I have used it on my abdomen and legs and it feels so smooth.

    Reply

  2. amenda1488

    The hipster male is left with two choices: blend in with the suffering, sexless masses or heed the mighty battle cry of masculinity that echoes down through the ages and grow

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