Fast Food Nationalism
If you read Fast Food Nation or have seen Super Size Me, I want to give you a tip: Don't talk to me about it over fast food. I just want to eat my burger. I don't care about the rat feces...
Cell Phone Broadcasting
I get annoyed when my friends call me from rock concerts and hold up their cell phones so I can hear what I'm missing. Great, there's not enough static in the digital version I already ...
Fleas
My cats Mookie and Cleo had fleas this week. I really felt for the cats, because they had bugs biting them and shit, but I felt a lot worse for myself. Turns out a single flea can lay about 30,000 eggs, ...
Your Friend's One-Woman Show
You failed to mention that the one-woman, off-off-Broadway show you invited me to last Thursday night was being presented by a friend of yours. Yeah, you managed to omit that part ...
Hospital Roommates
So, you've got some horrible illness that lands you in the hospital and puts you in a perpetual state of discomfort. What a great time to get to meet "Arnie," your new roommate. Who was the ...
Two Dimes and a Nickel
The ice cream comes out to $4.50. I give you a five and you give me a quarter, two dimes and a nickel. Are you rationing for some pinball war I should know about? You've got plenty of qu...
Our Founding Fathers
Just because they dressed like dorks it doesn't mean they would've been Republican assholes like you if they were around today. You think because Jefferson believed in "life, liberty and t...
The WGA
I come from Russian-Jewish stock. I practically have socialism running in my veins. But when, in the wake of a nasty strike, the WGA leadership makes public the names of those who have opted out of t...
The Star's Producing Partner
You grew up with him. Or went to acting class with her. Or were the first dude he met the day before finally getting cast on the show that Changed His Life. But because your name i...
Catholic School Girls
Who was the genius who thought up dressing Catholic school girls as Catholic school girls? Like the Gap is just too revealing for your precious daughter—instead, dress her up in a seeth...
People Who Don't Cover Their Mouths When They Cough
If you slapped me in the face (lightly) as I walked past you at the intersection of Second Avenue and 11th Street you could be charged with assault and bat...
Comedians on NPR
Recently, NPR has become the go-to place for top comedians to explain all the funny out of their material. Listing to everyone from Matt Stone to Sarah Silverman play along with droll, stuff...