Jeffrey Goldberg Wants Your Parents To Get Stoned And Screw In The Kitchen

thResponding to a reader’s question on how to avoid becoming a “Pathetic Empty Nester” after her daughter leaves for college, Jeffrey Goldberg, columnist for The Atlantic and go-to Jew for many mainstream media outlets, offers some surprisingly great advice:

Until the arrival of a grandchild, hobbies will be crucial. Marijuana and board games are two options.

Hey Mom, just wanted call and tell you that my first semester is going great and…Mom? What’s so funny? Who sunk your battleship? Mom? Mom?”

But, to really dodge the lame empty nest bullet, there’s only one thing to do:

[…] Sex at unusual times and in unsuitable rooms has its appeal. An empty house can mean exciting kitchen sex. (This is not something I would engage in personally, because of my fear of blenders.) Once, your goal was to prevent your offspring from having sex in the basement. Now you can try it yourself!

The whole column is worth a read, if for no other reason than to appreciate just how ratchet your folks could be without a bummer like you there to kill the mood. (Perhaps this is what Paul Krugman was up to that day he was that day he was conspicuously “off”)

Jeffrey Goldberg – Heeb wants to party with you. You bring the board games. We promise to stay out of the kitchen.

What do you think?

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