Hot and Bothered Over Hillary

It is not our desire to venture out of the warm, nurturing embrace of the entertainment world, but “David Brooks'”:http://select.nytimes.com/2007/07/27/opinion/27brooks.html?_r=1&hp&oref=login piece in the _Times_ today reminded us that there are more important things than the fall lineup (aww, who are we kidding, but there are more important things than the summer lineup). We at Jewdar are absosmurfly terrified that Democrats may be gulled into believing that Hillary Clinton is not the worst possible candidate in the world.

So here’s the situation: The Republicans are coming off what may very well be the “worst presidency in American history”:http://hnn.us/articles/5019.html. It should be a freebie for the Democrats. All they need to do is come up with somebody who isn’t immediately despised by a significant portion of the population. Instead, we have the Clinton posse telling us that Hillary is the next president of the United States.

If Hillary is such a strong candidate why, in 2000, did this Illinois-raised former First Lady of Arkansas need to come to New York to find a reasonably safe Senate seat to run for? And while she did win, let’s look at her electoral record: In 2000, she beat chirpy empty suit Rick Lazio, whose most significant legislative achievement had been passing a bill to issue “certificates”:http://skytroopers.org/cldwrec.htm recognizing the service of Cold War veterans (Note to self: Get one. That’s right, if it weren’t for “Jewdar’s service to our country”:http://www.campbell.army.mil/newinternet/unitpages/HumVee/Default.asp?uid=3, you’d all be speaking in comically Russian-accented English and forced to obey the cruel whims of your “overlord”:http://www.yakov.com/default.html). After six years in the Senate distinguished most notably by her doing whatever Bush wanted in the “War on Terror” and in Iraq, she won handily against a nobody in a year in which the GOP got creamed across the board. What has Hillary Clinton ever done to demonstrate vote-getting potential outside of New York, California, and D.C.?

Of course, her supporters will say that by winning upstate, she’s proven her abilities, but New York is a state where even the Republicans are pro choice, and, again, beating Rick Lazio and John Spencer doesn’t really make her a giant-slayer. Unlike her conservative critics, we will not make comments about her appearance or suggest that she is a female dog. But we’ve seen enough of the “lying”:http://www.freerepublic.com/focus/f-news/1776661/posts, “conniving”:http://www.villagevoice.com/news/0021,harkavy,15052,5.html, and “hypocrisy”:http://nomayo.mu.nu/archives/055398.php to declare that she’s every bit as venal as her husband, but with none of his charm.

We at Jewdar simply pray that, contrary to the long history of lousy presidential campaigns, the Dems don’t shoot themselves in the foot by nominating a candidate who may very well be the most hated woman in America (sorry, “Shannon Doherty,”:http://www.awfulplasticsurgery.com/archives/007077.html but there can be only one).

What do you think?

About The Author

jewdar

The Tel Aviv-born, Milwaukee-bred Jewdar has a bachelors' from the University of Wisconsin, a Masters from NYU, and an Honorable Discharge from the US Army, where he spent two years as an infantryman in the 101st Airborne Division. He's the co-author of "The Big Book of Jewish Conspiracies", the Humor Editor of Heeb Magazine, and a watcher of TV. Smarter than most funny people, funnier than most smart people, he lives on the Lower East Side with his wife and two sons.

9 Responses

  1. Hesed

    I don’t want her as the DNC candidate any more than you do. The problem is everytime she gets in front of the camera and is asked a question, she fuckin nails it EVERYTIME. Up to this point, she has been a great candidate. Granted, she is well rehearsed,

    Reply
  2. mrnhghts

    “Of course, her supporters will say that by winning upstate, she’s proven her abilities, but New York is a state where even the Republicans are pro choice, and, again, beating Rick Lazio and John Spencer doesn’t really make her a giant-slayer”

    Lazio was

    Reply
  3. Hesed

    Juliani fired one of his campaign organizers for selling coke, I don’t know how you can forgive him for that? You know when he was using those 9/11 relief apartments to bang that chick behind the back of his mistress AND his wife, he had to be snortin the

    Reply
  4. mrnhghts

    “Juliani fired one of his campaign organizers for selling coke, I don’t know how you can forgive him for that?”

    Well, if he had fired him for just snorting coke, then yeah, I would be disappointed, but for selling, I think we have to allow that some deco

    Reply
  5. Hesed

    Yeah, but it’s not just Rudy. McCain going down South to get Falwells endorsement when six months earlier he called him a toxic element in the Republican party, c’mon who is he kidding? Yeah, way to go, look like the “Straight Talk Express” made a stop in

    Reply
  6. mrnhghts

    McCain is not that bright. He simply is washed up.

    “Why do you think the number one choice among Republicans is “none of the above”? (25%)”

    Because the Conservative rural and suburban base does not like to see a (relative) liberal from Jew York City be

    Reply
  7. Hesed

    Being from NY, I can understand your enthusiasm, but not having lived in NY for the last fifteen years I think your perspective about the electability of Rudy is a little distorted. His “America’s Mayor” persona is all but thoroughly destroyed. Not to men

    Reply
  8. mrnhghts

    “Who does Juliani know? Who is he connected to? Anyone outside of NY? ”

    It’s a good question. Of course, as my father used to quote Koch back in the day before 9/11, New York is the only city whose mayor has a foreign policy. We really need an Ed Koch as

    Reply

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