Do You Feel a Draft?

At a time when our beloved army is forced to resort to ever more “desperate”: means to maintain a force which is increasingly “corpulent”:, “uneducated”:, “insane,”: and just plain “evil”:, something must be done. And we here at Jewdar, already having established ourselves as the most discerning purveyor of Jewish pop cultural esoterica, have got a solution, a solution that we call the “ideological draft.”

It works as follows: When someone signs up for the Selective Service, that person would also fill out a form listing those circumstances in which he/she agrees to be drafted. College Republican types would fill in the blank for “War on Terror,” or “War to Preserve Western Culture” or “War Against Islamo-Fascists,” and thus, guarantee that they would only be called up for a war in which they believe, rather than something like “Nation Building” or “Famine Relief” or “Peacekeeping.” As soon as the crisis ends, they could be released from service. This provides a mechanism for _all_ Americans to serve in a cause for which they truly believe. American Jews, Christian fundamentalists and “Bill Clinton”: could sign up for a “War to Defend Israel,” for example.

Of course, some people may be unwilling to participate, in which case, Jewdar proposes Plan B: Given the ability to track peoples’ spending and viewing habits, it shouldn’t be difficult to structure an ideological draft around what people actually do, rather than what they say. Drive an SUV? Then you’re going to fight a war for oil. Go to Berkeley? You’ve just expressed a willingness to die for industrial hemp. Big fan of Fox News? Well, let’s just say you’re going to be awfully busy for a long time.

What do you think?

About The Author


The Tel Aviv-born, Milwaukee-bred Jewdar has a bachelors' from the University of Wisconsin, a Masters from NYU, and an Honorable Discharge from the US Army, where he spent two years as an infantryman in the 101st Airborne Division. He's the co-author of "The Big Book of Jewish Conspiracies", the Humor Editor of Heeb Magazine, and a watcher of TV. Smarter than most funny people, funnier than most smart people, he lives on the Lower East Side with his wife and two sons.

10 Responses

  1. Hesed

    You know, ex-military are the first to get picked. Keep that in mind soldier. The age just got pushed up to 36 so I only have 9 months before I’m ineligible. Of course the way they run things now they could bump it up to 46.

  2. iconic

    if they bring back the draft ……….. this time around, should mandatory service for women be included? wondering what you all think.

  3. jewdar

    I don’t foresee a draft other than in the terms I laid out. But if they do it, they should draft women. But the only way we could have a draft is if it eliminated the sort of exemptions and deferments that made things so unfair during the Vietnam era, a

  4. Hesed

    Women registering for selective service…yes. If the patriarchal American mindset is be to challenged effectively then this must happen. How can women claim an equal status in American society if they are forbidden from participating equally in the servi

  5. iconic

    “On a personal note, I’ll tell you that women make good soldiers.” Could you explain please, Hesed.

  6. Hesed

    Having served with women, I did not observe any deficiency in their performance due to their gender. The only limtitation that MOST women would face in some foward combat roles would be carrying heavy weight over rough terrain for great distances. Some wo

  7. iconic

    ………… ” in our society how much honor is bestowed upon those who perform these combat roles.” You mean like the honor bestowed upon the soldiers who returned from combat roles in Vietnam.

  8. Hesed

    Sorry, I thought we were talking about women in the military. But if you are referring to the way Republican administrations from 1972 until the present day regard our soldiers, then I couldn’t agree with you more. Unfortunately, there is a radical discon

  9. iconic

    I totally agree with you about women’s ability to serve in combat roles ,and I share your anger about the treatment of soldiers by the conservative government.


Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.

This will close in 0 seconds