Benjy Bronk: The _Heeb_ Interview

Benjy Bronk has come a long way in radio, and in a pretty damn short amount of time. Back in 1998, Bronk was hired as an intern for "The Howard Stern Show" on FM radio, where he was often found pulling depraved stunts like fucking a female guest with his toe. And apparently those classy shenanigans paid off, because he was brought on as a staff writer just a couple years later.

Fast-forward a decade from his first day on the job and Bronk still has a seat in the studio between Howard’s sidekick Artie Lange and soundman Fred Norris, this time on Sirius Satellite Radio. He spent a little time with Heeb recently to talk about his 10 years on the show.

In 1998, you came on the show as an intern and pretty quickly got bumped up to staff writer. How’d you make the transition?

I started as an intern, but completely with the intention of getting a real job there, even though everyone told me that it would never happen. I was broke, but rather than getting a side job that would distract me from putting everything I had into the show, I minimized my expenses as much as possible. I lived in a storage unit—Manhattan Mini Storage—and in various offices around New York. My original responsibility was going through newspapers for Robin to look for articles that might have some quirky aspect that she could use during the news.

So how’d you get noticed?

I was constantly pitching ideas through our office email. The first thing I pitched was actually sort of a Jewish thing. We had this guy at K-Rock, Wood Yee, who we used as a parody of Woody Allen. And I think one of the first things I pitched was a Fiddler on the Roof song parody/sketch of him singing to his wife/stepdaughter Soon Yee.

I just pitched tons of stuff and lots of bits. Then Howard invited me to take part in the weekly creative meetings. Back then the interns weren’t regularly invited, so it felt like a big deal. Gary was also encouraging me, things evolved, and by 2001 I was a full-time writer for the show.

This might seem like a dumb question, but exactly what do you “write” for the show?

The bulk of the show is directly from Howard’s own mind, but we’re all contributing. In my case, the entire time the show’s unfolding, I’m coming up with funny lines, scribbling them down, and getting them to Howard. When he likes one, he uses it. Sometimes he might change it a little or he might not use it at all, but I keep writing and throwing them down.

I’m examining things from every possible angle, twisting situations to find the funny in them. It kinda feels like a video game to me—every time I come up with a great line or idea that works, I feel like I shot an asteroid, scored a point.

Do you write exclusively for Howard, or do you provide material for the others on the show as well?

The majority of my writing is for Howard and sometimes for others, especially if someone’s doing a character voice. Usually the lines are to-the-moment, very much in the context of what’s going on. If you don’t know the context, you won’t get the joke.

What’s an example of this?

Let’s see—recently we had a guest on, and she was talking about how hard her life is because her dad died when she was just a couple months old. So I wrote a line for Evil Dave [Letterman] where I had him say to her, “I feel for you. My dad died 11 months before I was born.”

Since your material is spoken by others, does that make you an unsung hero? I mean, does Howard get all the cred for the funny shit you throw him but, meanwhile, you appear to be the quiet dunce in the corner?

It’s the hardest and most unsatisfying part of a job I otherwise love. There have been times when I’ve read posts on the Internet where someone says that I suck. Then, in the same posting, they’ll quote some joke they loved that Howard made, but the thing is I wrote it. They don’t know that I wrote it, but they loved it.

That must burn your ass.

People only know what they see and hear, and my writing is kind of invisible. They think my job is doing stunts in the studio or on the street, like when I interrupted that news broadcast and yelled for people to vote for Sanjaya.

On the other hand, the writers on a Conan-type show get almost zero on-air recognition. At least with us, a lot of our hardcore listeners are aware of what I do.

That said, do you keep quiet by design? I know Howard mutes your mic quite a bit.

Howard has complete control over everybody’s mics. There’s a mic in front of me, and at times he’ll turn it on, but often quickly turn it off. I’ve been kinda pigeonholed where that’s the joke. Whenever it’s about Gary, the joke is his teeth. With Artie, it’s eating or drugs. With me it’s like, “We hate you. Shut up.” The truth about Howard, though, is that, as rough as he can seem toward me on the air, he’s actually really supportive off the air.

What’s up with all the ladies coming your way lately?

I had a long-term girlfriend, Sheila, that I remain close friends with, but once we broke up, I started dating women from JDate and other women who started expressing interest through the show. As much as Howard makes fun of my looks—I know I’m overweight—I feel like I’m a good-looking guy. I don’t think I’m a model, obviously, well, except for my pretty eyes, but the great thing is that once you get past college age, it’s not that hard to meet women.

JDate, huh? Hooked on Jewesses?

I think part of it is because of where I grew up. In South Carolina no one was Jewish, so it became ingrained in me that Jewish is special. But it really depends on the individual woman—her personality, her intelligence, her willingness to date a fat, sweaty guy—the whole package.

But she doesn’t necessarily have to be Jewish. I also love Italians. I think of them as our cousins. Artie sometimes quotes a joke of mine, “Italians are Jews that don’t read.”

Before you joined the show, weren’t you a rabbi’s assistant at the University of Southern California?

I’d been taking improv classes in New York and working on a psychic hotline. I ran out of money, and I found this job that would take me to Los Angeles. I was kinda an event planner to get the students more involved with Hillel. I was hoping I would also do standup or improv out there, but I didn’t have a car. So occasionally I would take the bus to West Hollywood for open mic nights. I lived in a rough part of South Central, though, and getting back was really scary, so I would just hang out at Kinko’s all night because it wasn’t safe to go home.

There’s been talk on the air about the show ending in the next couple of years. If that becomes the case, what are you going to do?

My attitude has always been that the show could end any day. It’s vulnerable in the sense that to remain on the air, it relies completely on one person—Howard. If it does end, I could go into writing for a late night show, or that type of comedy, but I haven’t really planned for it much. My real fantasy is to do my own talk show, do stand up, and of course one day have my own line of handbags.

And until you get some Benjy bags in the marketplace, do you have anything for now you’d like to shamelessly plug?

As incredible as the show was on old-fashioned radio, it’s at a whole other level at Sirius. And you can vote for me to be Paris Hilton’s best friend forever. Find me under BenjyBenjy.

What do you think?