Paris Is Finally Free!

Paris Hilton finally left prison last night after three weeks of unjust suffering. According to the Washington Post, the hotel heir-head “looking exuberant, sashayed past two rows of reporters and photographers held behind yellow police tape at the Lynwood women’s jail just after midnight, before running to a waiting sport utility vehicle to hug her mother, Kathy.”

“Sashayed?” Who writes this crap?

While in prison, Hilton allegedly found meaning and enlightenment which I condone and support because they’re both low-fat. Although, Meaning and Enlightenment could also be the name of a boutique jeans brand. Not sure. “I would like to make a difference,” she told Barbara Walters. “God has given me this new chance.” Indeed, Paris. God has given you another chance. So do what needs to be done and speak to Him. Or, better yet, speak to Larry King who is almost as old as God. And seems almost as arbitrary.

But really, what can Hilton do with all this newfound goodness bursting inside of her? Hilton told E! News last week that she hopes to build a “transitional home” to help recently released inmates readjust to freedom. And by “build,” she probably means that Daddy will hire people to build it for her and then charge people to stay in it on a nightly basis. Kind of like a hotel. “These women just keep coming back (to jail) because they have no place to go,” Hilton said. “It’s a really bad cycle and if we stop it now, we can make our community a better place.”

“I appreciate everything now and I think there was a lot of bad people that I was around,” she continued “I don’t want to surround myself with those types of people anymore.” But if her cocaine dealer is reading, she means everyone except you. You can surround Paris anytime.

What do you think?

About The Author

Heeb

The international media conspiracy and/or the new Jew review. Take your pick.

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