Maintaining their campaign to suck the fun and joy entirely out of Judaism, a group of ultra-Orthodox rabbis have removed lox from the kosher diet. This ban on smoked salmon was announced last month because of a tiny paraisitic worm called anisakis that supposedly renders the fish unkosher.
Ultra-Orthodox Jews must now somehow survive a bleak existence without Jell-O, hugs from relatives of the opposite sex, women with attractive smiles, or the cured fish that is the favorite bagel topping of the Jewish people.
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About the Author
Lauren Soroken was raised in north Florida but now resides in Brooklyn where Heeb tried to dress her up as Ilsa, She-Wolf of the SS her first day on the job.
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46 comments
Puck
Mar 8, 2010
Lox is rank :S
Jell-O you can get with synthetic gelatin though…surely that’s kosher?
snuffweedbooze
Mar 9, 2010
Wow! I’m agreeing with Puck??!! :P
I’d probably chomp at the bit for a vegetarian version of Lox, but that said, I’d rather munch on a sprouted wheat Bagel smeared with Tofutti “Better Than Cream Cheese” spread any damn day.
Puck
Mar 9, 2010
I’m very agreeable :P
jstraz
Mar 18, 2010
That original article was made up, please follow up on the proper research:
http://www.vosizneias.com/50961/2010/03/09/monsey-ny-rabbi-ban-on-lox-story-made-up-up-by-the-media/
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