Originally whipped up by Roseanne Barr for her photoshoot and interview in Heeb‘s Germany Issue, the “Domestic Goddess Hitler’s Burnt Jew Cookies” were talked about on Extra, The View and The O’Reilly Factor. Tomorrow night, September 1 at Union Pool in Brooklyn, is your chance to taste these sinfully delicious treats at the Heeb Germany Issue Party. If you can’t make it to the party (and being stuck in a cattle car is really the only reasonable excuse) here is the recipe to make a cookie no one will dare forget.

Recipe by Pandora Kent

Ingredients:

2 cups Sifted all-purpose flour, plus more for work surface

¼ tsp Kosher salt

½ tsp Baking powder

½ cup (1 stick or 8 oz.) Unsalted butter

1 cup Granulated sugar (not that organic cane sugar crap from Whole Foods)

1 Large egg

1 tsp Vanilla extract

4 ounces Dark chocolate, coarsely chopped

1 Hitler mustache to wear while you bake (optional)

Directions:

  1. Sift together flour, salt, and baking powder in a large bowl. Set aside.
  2. Cream butter and sugar together, using an electric/stand mixer, on medium speed until light and fluffy, about 3 minutes (use a large bowl and wooden spoon if you are mixerless). Add the egg, mix until smooth. Reduce speed to low, and add the flour mixture and mix until combined. Stir in vanilla. Wrap the dough in plastic and refrigerate until they are as cold as an Auschwitz winter.
  3. Preheat over to 325Ëš – only a gas oven will do.
  4. Line 2 cookie sheets with parchment paper (don’t cheat and just butter the pan). Roll out dough on a well-floured surface (or in between two sheets of parchment paper) until it’s a little more than 1/8 inch thick (if it’s hot in your kitchen, do half the dough at a time, leave the rest wrapped in plastic in the fridge). Cut out your Jews using your treasured 5-7″ cookie cutter (or smaller if you want to make the Anne Frank version). Using a metal spatula, transport them one by one to the cookie sheets, leaving 2 inches between bodies. Don’t worry about lost cookie arms or legs during transport, you can always blame the deformities on prior medical experiments. Reroll the scraps, chilling in between if necessary. Refrigerate the cookies until firm. (Very important that you do not skip this step or else the Fuhrer will be enraged.)
  5. Finally, send the Jews to the ovens. Bake cookies until they starting to turn pale golden brown, about 11 to 12 minutes. Remember make sure to slightly burn your Jews, you don’t want any survivors seeking vengeance.
  6. When the cookies are almost cool, melt the chocolate over a double boiler on medium heat. If you don’t know what that means, microwave the chocolate until it’s liquidy. Remove from heat/microwave. Using a metal spatula, carefully remove the cookies from the parchment, and place on a wire rack. Using a pastry brush, gently daub the chocolate into a “burn” pattern that will guarantee a war crime indictment. If the chocolate gets too stiff in the bowl while you are working on your masterpieces, remelt gently. When the chocolate has completely hardened use decorating icing to make frownie faces and “X” eyes. If you’re feeling particularly creative feel free to add yellow “Jude” stars.

Cookies can be stored in an airtight container at room temperature for up to five days or until the stench of rotting flesh becomes unbearable.

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